i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
