I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
