i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
