you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
