Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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