I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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