I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
