so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
