i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
