toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
After last night, I could never be a politician.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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