You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
