Ambien. No doubt about it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
