I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I want is dick and wine.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Couch. On fire.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
