this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
