i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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