Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
