3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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