My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?