we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
