What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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