Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
