I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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