I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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