dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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