What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
