I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
