u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
