My first STD was from a foam party
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
