You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
