Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
