Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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