i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
