i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
