I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
