you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
