Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
