idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
