When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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