so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
