did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sober January is a disaster.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The dick lei will go down in squad history
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
