This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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