After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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