yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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