He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
