he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
