I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
