so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
