PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
