we have officially lost it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
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We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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