Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
