Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
