She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
