oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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