God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
