You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
