how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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