So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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