remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
