I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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