coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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