Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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