we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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