I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
