i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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