Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
