well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You're earring is so big in my mouth
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
