the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
