K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
