If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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